


Turn It Up

by Alvitr



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 11:38:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3690846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alvitr/pseuds/Alvitr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A version of events in which Loki doesn't fall into the void and is exiled to Midgard for his actions in "Thor". Stuck in New Mexico with Thor, Jane, and Darcy, he is drawn unwillingly into Midgardian life by a peculiar method: Darcy's obsession with popular music.</p>
<p>This story contains no bashing of Odin, Thor, or Jane. It deals with themes of mental and physical illness, depression, and mortality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

New Mexico was, Loki had decided, one of the most abominable places he had ever ventured to in all the centuries of his life. As he stared out at the vast, hot desert landscape that surrounded them as they sped down along in Jane Forster’s dusty, creaky contraption that was called “a van”, he thought often of the words of the skalds which he had learned by rote as a boy:

_All are terrified on the roads to Hel,_  
_before Surtr’s kin swallows them up._

Though Loki was as yet less terrified and more, perhaps, extremely overheated and annoyed. 

“I’m sorry,” Jane called back from the front of the van. “The A/C is up as high as it gets! I think I need to put some antifreeze in this thing.”

“Fuck the dust, I’m opening the windows,” Darcy muttered. She was sitting next to him and over the last thirty minutes he had endured her twitching, complaining, and eventually, gradual stripdown to a thin singlet. She leaned over him now and began manipulating the crank to lower the window of the van on his side. Loki pressed his body as deeply back into the seat as possible and struggled to bite back a vicious rebuke.

“That’s better.” She sagged back into her seat and sighed with relief. Loki was suddenly aware of her eyes on him, looking him over. He looked back at her, frowning, and when she didn’t lower her eyes, averted his gaze. He had managed to avoid acknowledging her presence the entire time he had been here, despite her repeated attempts to engage him (ranging from friendly conversation, teasing mockery, and at times outright abuse). He was not about to do otherwise now.

Darcy’s antics had attracted Thor’s interest from the front of the van, however, and he turned back and looked at Loki. “Are you comfortable, brother?” At Loki’s look of disbelief, he hastily added, “Is there anything you are in need of, then?”

Loki frowned and shook his head curtly, and Thor, looking unhappy, turned away.

The van was blissfully peaceful for some time, until Darcy again became restless. 

“Can’t we listen to something else? NPR is so boring.”

“I thought you liked NPR. You’re a political science major!”

“Yeah, but not Garrison Keillor, ferchrissake.”

“Well, listen to your iPod, then!”

“I can’t. One of my earbuds lost its little cap and now it hurts my ear.” Abruptly, she stood up, hunched over in the confines of the van, and slid between the front seats, half-leaning on Thor’s lap (“Pardon me, buddy!”), and began fiddling with the console. Static filled the interior of the vehicle.

_zrrrpt--fzzzz--high of 100--screech--Senate returns from break today--vrrripp--bailar contigo, tener contigo, une noche loco!--top of the fifth, and the Dodgers are at bat--clickclick--I can see your halo halo halo--I’m happy, hope you’re happy too--_

“Yes! Bowie!” The volume increased dramatically, and she launched herself off of Thor’s lap and back into her seat, singing as she went: 

_I've never done good things_  
_I've never done bad things_  
_I never did anything out of the blue…_

“Darcy…” Jane said with a sigh, and her eyes darted up and met Loki’s in the mirror above her head. She raised her eyebrows and mouthed “sorry” to him and startling him immensely. Why this woman was so unfailingly considerate to him on a regular basis was something that still unnerved him. If she thought that she must befriend him in order to be Thor’s consort, she profoundly misunderstood Loki’s importance in Thor’s decision-making.

He again cast his gaze out the now open window, noting that the long stretches of uninterrupted desert and far-off mountains had, in the past few minutes, given way to civilization; they seemed to be nearing their destination. For this he was grateful. He slipped one arm out the window and let the warm wind whip against his open palm, as Darcy’s slightly out-of-tune voice, reciting nonsense, filled his ears: 

_Ashes to ashes, fun to funky_  
_We know Major Tom's a junkie_  
_Strung out in Heaven, his high_  
_Hitting an all-time low._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is inspired by and structured around [Robots in Disguise's "Turn It Up"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRhhp4memhA'). The songs that appear in this fic will come from the lyrics of that song. The first one is obviously [David Bowie's "Ashes to Ashes"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF_ESqYuhSQ). 
> 
> The verse about Surtr is from the _Voluspa_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _In "Ashes to Ashes" I'm falling, falling._   
>  _In "Ashes to Ashes" I'm losing, losing._
> 
> We go back in time a bit.

It had happened like this.

One moment, he had been dangling on the edge of the world, a vast nothingness beneath him; then, just as he forced the muscles in his hands to obey his will and unclasp the spear that every instinct in his body was commanding him to hold on to, a great flash of light filled his senses, and suddenly, it was as though he were weightless. He could see nothing but the All-Father’s face, stern and furious and filled with despair all at once. He could not move. He was utterly powerless, and yet somehow he felt safe -- more safe than he had ever felt than, perhaps as a child. 

“No, Loki,” his father said.

Then he was face-down on the shattered remains of the Bifrost, his body shaking violently, while Thor clenched and clawed at him and sobbed like a child. Loki could not bring himself to weep. He felt exhausted, defeated, and physically, utterly numb. Furious and yet peculiarly relieved. Terrified. Sick. 

Odin stood above them, leaning heavily on Gungnir, and looking older than Loki had ever seen him. He knelt down slowly and rested one hand on Loki’s arm. “Look at me,” he said. He spoke so quietly that Loki thought only he could hear him, but he did not want to obey. “Look at me,” Odin repeated more forcefully, and Loki, against his will, dragged his gaze upwards to the All-Father’s face. Odin reached up and laid one hand over his eyepatch, and to Loki’s surprise and horror, removed it, unveiling the hideous mass of scar tissue where his eye had once been. In all his life, Loki had never seen what lay behind that patch.

“All wounds heal with time, Loki,” Odin said. “All mistakes can be paid for, eventually. You may never forget them, but you will learn to live with what you have lost.” He placed the patch back over his eye, and Loki saw that his hand was trembling, slightly. “Thor,” he said, more loudly. “Take your brother back to the palace. Bring him to his rooms. I think he will not resist.”

\---

The days following the destruction of the Bifrost were a blur. He recalled his mother crying, then shouting at him -- this was worse, really, than his father’s quiet disapproval -- Thor standing behind her, looking confused and concerned -- healers, examining him, asking many questions, most of which he refused to answer. He remembered Thor coming to him one evening and telling him that the All-Father had brought the new king of Jotunheim, Helblindi, to Asgard by means of dark energy, and that negotiations were taking place. He wondered, idly, if Thor now knew his secret. He must; Loki could see it in the way he looked at him, tentatively, as though Loki might transform into a monster at any moment. 

_What has happened to me,_ he wondered to himself at night, when they had all left him alone at last. Though there was a guard posted at his door, he was _Loki_ \-- no lock or key could hold him. He could slip away from here at any moment; there were countless ways of escape. But he felt no inclination to do so. He had no desire to do anything, except sit in his rooms and say nothing and await whatever fate the All-Father decided for him.

And then, finally, one day, Thor came for him. He helped Loki dress in his court attire, which he had not worn since the last day of his reign as king. Though it had not been so long ago, really, he felt as though the clothes belonged to a stranger. 

\---

In the Great Hall, Odin sat upon his throne, with Frigga on one side and Heimdall flanking the other. Other than the guards, there was no one else present -- besides one tall, broad Jotun, who was seated in a high chair, the one reserved for honored guests and representatives of the realm. Loki felt the frost giant’s gaze on him the moment he entered the room, and he felt a chill pass over him. It was not until Thor tugged on his arm that he realized he had slowed to a stop.

“Loki Odinson, Prince of Asgard,” Odin intoned, “you have been brought to this chamber of justice to answer for your crimes.” He paused and let silence fill the room, and then continued. “Before we begin, do you have anything to say in your own defense?”

Loki looked down steadily at his feet, and after a moment’s consideration, answered, “No.” He looked up. “But,” he said louder, and with greater conviction, “I object to being judged under the name _Odinson_ , for that name is a lie.”

Odin looked at him without expression. “Then what name would you prefer? Loki Laufeyson, perhaps?”

He detected a movement from the Jotunn, but did not look. “No,” he said bitterly. “I am just Loki. Nobody’s son.”

Odin cocked his head. “As you wish.” He stood, slowly, and Loki noticed he was leaning heavily on his staff, as he had that day on the Bifrost. “The first crime you have committed is violating the treaty between Asgard and Jotunheim by allowing armed Jotun warriors entrance to the Vault, with the willful intent to sabotage the proceedings of the royal court. What say you to this?”

Loki considered it for a moment, and then said evenly, “Yes. I did this.”

Odin nodded. “You do not wish to give any explanation for this act?”

“No.”

“Then we will proceed. The next crime you stand accused of is usurping the throne of Asgard.”

“I object,” Frigga said calmly. Loki felt a strong desire to laugh. It felt as though they had all rehearsed this carefully. “Loki came by the throne rightfully. You were indisposed, our son was banished, and I did not desire to rule. I gave the throne to Loki as is my right.”

“Be that as it may,” Odin said, “Loki misled parties involved in order to retain that throne, did he not? Thor -- did he not go to you in your exile and tell you that I had died? And that your banishment could not be reversed?”

Next to him, Thor swallowed hard. “Yes,” he said. 

“However,” Frigga interrupted again, “your banishment could not be reversed, except by Thor’s actions alone. Loki had no power to do so.”

Odin considered for a moment. “I will concede that point.” He turned to Loki. “The next crime of which you stand accused is the murder of King Laufey of Jotunheim.”

“I object,” Frigga said. “He killed King Laufey to defend your own life.”

“I do not concede this,” Odin said darkly. “For Laufey’s presence in this palace was engineered entirely by the accused. He was lured here to his death.”

“I object,” a low, gravelly voice spoke. Loki froze, for the voice belonged to the Jotun.

“Speak, King Helblindi,” said Odin.

“The murder of a Jotun should be done so in accordance with my land’s ways and laws,” Helblindi said. “On Jotunheim, it is said that if a king cannot withstand a challenge by a legitimate heir, then his life is forfeit.”

“Do you consider Loki to be a legitimate heir? He rejects your father’s name.”

“Such things have no meaning on Jotunheim. Only blood matters.” 

“If that is your determination, then the court of Asgard will respect it. However, Loki is still guilty of inviting an enemy into the palace, whatever his intentions and purposes for such actions were.”

There were no objections to this. 

“Next, you are accused of threatening the life of Thor Odinson, the heir to this throne. Do you admit to this?”

“Yes,” Loki whispered.

“And also of threatening the life of a number of Midgardians and damaging their property in the process?”

“Yes.”

“Heimdall, report to me on the ramifications of these actions.”

“No deaths,” Heimdall said. “But thirteen injuries, including serious burns. Sixty-eight buildings were damaged in the attack, and half of the town was displaced from their homes.”

“And has appropriate recompense been made to Midgard for this?”

“No. The Bifrost is as yet untraversable.”

“And what have you to say to this, Loki?”

“Midgardians are weak,” he muttered, “and their lives, short.”

Odin snorted, and seeming to ignore his comment, continued. “At last we come to the final and most serious of your crimes. Loki, you willfully attacked the keeper of the Bifrost, and then used that Bifrost to attack a sovereign realm with the intention of killing its inhabitants.” Odin stared at him, his face stony. “King Helblindi, recount your kingdom’s losses.”

“Near one thousand of our people are dead,” Helblindi said, slowly. “And countless more, wounded. The ancient city of Thrymheim has been near destroyed. Among the dead and injured are many children and elders.”

“Your explanation for this, Loki?”

A strange heat seemed to be filling him. Loki realized that his teeth were gritted so tightly that he could barely open his mouth. When he did, his voice sounded ragged, harsh, and not his own. “They are monsters. They deserve to die. They would ravage all the realms if they had their way! You should have killed them all when you had the chance!”

Silence followed this outburst. Thor had stepped away from him slightly. Odin looked pained and Frigga seemed near tears. But Helblindi had his head cocked and his teeth bared in a peculiar almost-smile. “Interesting,” he said, and it was then that Loki looked down at himself and realized that his skin had turned blue.

No! he thought wildly and stared at his hands in disbelief. To his vast relief, the dark color was already fading and his skin was returning to its normal shade.

At last, Odin spoke, calmly and as though Loki’s outburst and transformation had not even happened. “King Helblindi, what sort of punishment might the Jotunn demand for such actions?”

“Death, in most circumstances.” Helblindi said.

“I object,” Frigga said. Her voice was shaking.

“On what grounds?”

She let out a low, tremulous breath. “Loki has been examined by healers. They have concluded that he was not in his right mind at the time of his actions -- that he is not in his right mind even now.”

“And what proof do they have of this?”

“Despondency, detachment from reality, and outbursts such as -- such as the one we have just witnessed.”

“King Helblindi, what views do you hold on this in Jotunheim?”

Helblindi appeared to consider this. “Such things are not unheard of on our realm,” he said. “Though generally we hold that view that such illnesses are so pitiful that the afflicted should be put out of their misery.”

“Well, on Asgard we do not,” Frigga said.

Helblindi smiled again. “Many things on Asgard are different than on Jotunheim. It is a hard land, filled with hard truths. Weakness of any kind is not tolerated, for we frost giants teeter on the edge of destruction, and very little may push is over the edge. Take, for instance, King Laufey. His madness almost destroyed our realm, did it not?”

“In that case,” Odin said at last, “Is death the only punishment you deem fit for the accused’s actions?”

Helblindi stared at Loki for a long time, until Loki wished to crawl out of his skin. “No,” he said at last. “But only for purely selfish reasons.”

Loki felt a turn of nausea.

“And those reasons are?”

“The accused is my brother, whom I thought dead for all these years.” He glanced at Odin. “By means of your own actions, All-Father.” He looked back at Loki. “For that reason, I do not wish to see my brother dead, so soon after learning he was even alive, no matter how mad he may be.”

_Not my brother. Nor is Thor. No one is. Stop!_ He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, fearing that he might lose his grip on himself and transform again.

“What punishment might your realm deem suitable for such crimes, then, besides death?”

“Exile,” Helblindi answered. “To be cast out into the wilderness and rejected by all his kind.”

“I see,” Odin said. “That to, is a suitable punishment to me. Though for different reasons. I think death would come too easily to you, Loki. You would welcome it. Better that you recover your senses, and then live with the consequences of your actions.”

What was this? A desperate bid by Frigga and Thor to save his life, twisted and perverted into a punishment? Or did Odin and Helblindi want to spare him? _One thousand lives … countless wounded … the ancient city destroyed_.... craven beasts, all of them, and the city likely a cluster of smelly caves and skin tents. But the roiling unease and nausea built in him. 

“Loki.” Odin pronounced. “No -- nobody’s son.” His voice cracked peculiarly. “You will be cast of Asgard and Jotunheim. Your magic and your strength will be taken from you, but not your long life. You must continue living, even in the face of your actions. For that reason, I will send you to Midgard, where you will experience death and fragility as you never have before.”

“All-Father,” Thor said softly. “I object.”

“Do you now?” There was a harsh note in Odin’s voice. He looked very tired.

“I have committed the same crimes as Loki. I have killed Jotun and had a wanton disregard for life.”

“You killed warriors, not innocent civilians.”

“I would not have distinguished at the time. I hated them all.”

“And you have paid for your crimes already. You were banished, and you have obviously learned from your errors.”

“I was banished for mere days. It is true that I learned much, but I do not think the length of my sentence matches my crimes.”

“You are a fool,” Loki said harshly. “Everyone can see what you are doing.”

There was a harsh laugh from Helblindi.

“The purpose of Loki’s exile is to be alone. Not to be guided and protected by his brother.”

“If you take my powers from me, I won’t be able to do much to protect him, will I?”

“Idiot,” Loki muttered. “You are an idiot.”

“You said you want Loki to recover, so that he may truly understand what he is done. I do not think him being cast out utterly alone will bring him that understanding. He longs for solitude too much already.”

Odin chuckled. “Indeed. Perhaps Loki has had more than enough solitude already.”

I hate you.

“What say you to this, King Helblindi?”

“Two princes of Asgard exiled at once? I can imagine no greater pleasure.”

“Then it is decided.” And with that, Odin closed his eyes. “Go. I will send for you when the preparations for your departure are made ready.”


End file.
